anticipation.

Anticipation. Good or bad? I don't know. It is an interesting feeling for sure, one that you aren't sure you are content with or ready to crawl out of your own skin with.

I want to crawl out of my skin.

I wasn't really into Christmas this year. It was fine. I had a good time with my fam, had fun eating and giving/receiving gifts. But I just wasn't there. My mind and heart were elsewhere. I even had a hard time focusing on Jesus' birth. Yes I'm grateful for that and truly wish I could have let it sink in like years past.

I went to bed Christmas Eve with an anticipation and woke up Christmas morning with that feeling. It was that same feeling you get when you are a kid waiting on Santa. But that was not the cause of the feelings of anticipation. But it was the most "Christmasy" feeling I had over the holidays.

Oh the anticipation. I didn't get what I really wanted for Christmas, but it was an impossible gift that really only comes with waiting. I have no choice there, but that is ok.

It is just that feeling of what is to come that has got me this week. Life has changed a lot this year. I feel like everything is a new adventure of some sort. It is a lot to digest and I have spent a lot of time thinking about it this week. But all I want is for things to keep growing and changing. I have an anticipation for whatever the road ahead may have. I don't want to hit a stagnant point again. I can't do it. Not right now. And with as much as I want time to fly, I want to soak it in. That is what makes me want to crawl out of my skin. I'm not discontent. I have been there. This is different.

I'll be ok. Maybe not today. But I will be. Going back to work in 10 days will be good. I have too much time to think right now.