not good enough.

There are three questions I hate answering, yet they are inevitable. The one that drives me off the wall the most is "what are you doing with your life?". I guess for some it isn't that hard to answer. In fact it isn't hard for me to answer. I want nothing more than to do God's will for my life. Have I tried to do my own thing or make things happen? Of course. But God has His way of bringing me back to teaching me contentment and peace in His plan. I have to remind myself often that God has a bigger plan for me than I have for me.



I am happy with where I am at in life. I have a job that I love and look forward to going to. And for the first time, maybe ever, I leave work in a good mood everyday. Am I tried? Yes. Do I enjoy the weekends? Yes. But that doesn't make my job any less enjoyable. I feel I'm at where God needs me to be right now and someplace where He is going to use me. And something I really hate is the questions from those, who possibly can't hear themselves speak or ask questions like "is that all you are going to do?" or "don't you want to pursue more of a career in that field?". Seriously?!? Am I not doing enough? Are you really questioning where God has me right now?



For example, I have a friend working her butt off through nursing school right now. And you know what she gets asked, "why would you just be a nurse, don't you want to be a doctor?". I hear things like this all to often and hurts my heart. Am I really not good enough? Who's standards do you want me to meet? If I'm happy and doing something I have a passion for, can't you be happy and support me?



I'm probably not the most secure person when it comes to my decisions. I'm a people pleaser and care what people think. It has taken a lot of time and praying and wrestling with God to reach a place of contentment, especially when I have to make a decision. I understand now that as long as I am ok with where God has me, it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks. And yes I get restless sometimes when things are to full of routine, but that is when I know I need to be praying and seeking out God hard, so that I don't stray from His plan.



I just feel like the world will never think what I or you are doing is good enough. And I hate that. Not because I want to please them, but because of the hurt or confusion it causes. Don't listen to the harsh words of the world. You are good enough. God does have a perfect plan for your life, to prosper you and give you hope. He has your life mapped out, every breath, every tear, every bit of laughter. He has it written. Don't get lost in what the world says. Seek God out. Don't stray. He will get you to where you need to be, even if you stumble along the way.

I'm not good enough for the world. But it is only my tent.

+1.

A few weeks ago, my eyes were opened in my thinking about how big God is and how big His love is. In the midst of this an idea was shared and my mind has been provoked. I attend a yoga class on Monday nights led by an incredibly smart, free spirited, organic woman. She is an incredible instructor and keeps us laughing, even while in down dog. She shared a few weeks ago about the company she is developing and some of the thinking within it. The company has been created to encourage people to give back to the planet. By encouraging people to go green and being eco-friendly, as well as by loving yourself and those in your life. The "plus one theory" is behind it. Plus one, because each time you would give in some way or make a better decision for you and the world around you points will be rewarded. I don't think I believe in a points system (for this company I do and I love the idea). But I do think we can all "plus one".



This is a concept I have been trying in my own life. I don't want to earn points, but I do want to change the world. Just because we are small or just one person doesn't mean we can't make a difference. In fact maybe changing the world starts with yourself.



I believe God is always molding and changing us. Especially if we open ourselves up to that and let His love in and really learn to respect who He has created us to be. Then what will over flow from our lives?


Love.


It doesn't matter who you are or where you come from or what you believe. We can all love. I think that is how we can "plus one". I also don't think it has to be huge. Maybe you are a 20% tipper at restaurants or you hold the door for someone or you just let someone know they mean a lot to you or you smile at a random stranger. But the idea of "plus one" just needs to become a habit. Once a day to start can change the way you live. But it can also start to change in the world around you.

Unexpected.

Everything in my life in the last month has been so unexpected. Which I normally would hate, because I love to plan. But...It has all come after a lot of waiting. Sometimes patiently and sometimes impatiently. The best part is the peace I have. I know I am at where God needs me to be and He has made that clear. Not everything has been easy, just unexpected, but that doesn't make me any less happy. And I am happy and content. With the unexpectedness of some things I am a bit overwhelmed, but not in a bad way.

Needless to say...I guess I am feeling a lot this evening.

Oh and have you thought about that infinite love?
Part two is to come...I just wanted to make sure you really thought about it.
And you can watch the videos at juststopandthink.com.

Infinite.

Anyone who knows me knows I'm not a very big person. In fact I've heard about every short joke you could come up with. I am so finite, which I have realized so much more recently than I have in a long time or maybe ever. But this isn't about me being short.

I watched a video online about two weeks ago and I can't get it out of my head. The video is showing the view of a city and from that moving to the size of the world compared to the galaxies of all outer space. What I realized while watching was how finite I am. Think about it. I am here on earth, little me and you with millions of others all over the place, with more going on on this planet that is floating in space than we can even fathom. That is huge. But not really. We are only one planet in one galaxy.I don't really know or understand a lot about space, but I do know it is big. And He's got the whole world in his hands. He has it all in the palm of His hands. I mean really think about it.

What has taken me back the most this week is that the God who is that big, who can hold the world in His hands, knows me. Every breath I take, every thought, every hair on my head, and every tear I shed. Me, He knows me. And He doesn't just know me that big, He has a love that big. He is so infinite. I am just little finite me. One little part of this crazy world.

There is so much more I want to get to but I have to stop here. I want you to really think about it. Do you know how loved you are? Do you know how much you mean to the Creator of the Universe? I pray you are overwhelmed. Think about it like a child. Be amazed. I know this sounds simple and silly. And if I could I would take you by the shoulders and look you in the eyes and tell you, because I want you to realize the love of our Creator. Look outside. Look around you, He is so big. We are so small.

The First

I am an inconsistent myspace blogger. I actually stopped writing on there several months ago realizing that anything I was sharing or writing about was only reaching my 100 or so friends, that probably don't even read them. I was encouraged to write more not to long ago by some different people in my life. I feel the bar is high because there are several great blogs I read daily. So I will give it a shot, you can love it or hate it. But I have things to say. I want to share my heart and my thoughts and perhaps some encouragement with the world...or whoever decides to read this.