a lot.

I have a lot on my mind this evening, but it is too late to type and get it all out clearly. And I want to keep thinking, I think that is something I do best or too much. So much to process.

More later I assure you. Just not now.

reading.

I started reading Jane Eyre today. I'm only a few chapters in, but I'm enjoying it.

Reading is a good time killer activity.

honestly.

Monday I ventured out and instead of book shopping I went make-up and bra shopping (just what all my male readers need to hear about. haha).



I have realized the older I get the more important it is to take care of my skin properly. I have always done well in taking care of my skin (I could share my nightly routine to prove that, but I won't bore you), but I have never spent much money in taking care of my skin either. I will just buy whatever make-up I can find at Target that works, not what is the best for my skin. After talking with some friends and changing some different products in my lovely routine I decided one of the last steps in that change is my make-up. So I ventured out to Ulta, which in any girly girls world is an awesome place to shop, fulfilling every beauty need.:)



I had done plenty of research before heading out on my shopping adventure (for I found that is a good use of my time...this week), so headed to right what I was looking for when I entered the store. I looked through everything I had read about online and then really decided to push myself to the edge and ask for advice from, the what I thought was lovely, ladies that work there. I stood in line for several minutes before the lady told me that she was busy and would be over to help me in just a minute. 20 minutes later I'm still standing there waiting. I went back to the counter and the woman barely remembered me and that I had been waiting so long for help. She was still too busy to help me and called the manager. The manager, an older woman, and very well kept answered my few questions, but really did nothing to help me. She was short and rude with me, making my shopping experience less then what it should have been.



I then ventured a few doors down to Victoria. I do love that store and the products. In fact I have one particular bra I love from there and they discontinued making it, with no replacement. After shopping online before I went in I found a few that I thought would be about the same or worth a shot at trying on.

Perhaps I was wrong...When talking with the young woman at Victoria I asked about what I had seen online to replace my favorite bra. She said they don't carry that one in stores and I could order it online. I told her I was unsure of my size and didn't want to do that and asked if they had any others similar to what I had and was looking for. Point blank she told me no, that I was out of luck. Well, let me tell you, I wasn't looking for anything that out of the ordinary, but she was short and rude. Didn't offer to help me find something or to measure me. Nothing.

The point of all this being, I experienced the same type of service at similar stores twice in one day. Both experiences at stores that are trying to boost the image of woman, to meet whatever high bar society says we should meet. They have it all wrong. Mostly with their attitudes. Those stores are there to serve us. They should meet us where we are at and encourage about our image, not make us feel worse like we will never meet the standards of the world.

I'm not the most confident woman in the world about my body, but I am ok with who I am and the image in which I was created. I feel sad for women that walk into those stores who already feel down about who they are and leave feeling worse. But I feel more for the women that work in those stores. Perhaps that is all they know of themselves or that is all they have ever heard so they take it out on the world of woman around them.

Needless to say, I will go back to both stores, but in that being very aware of how I treat those woman. We are all beautiful in our own ways. If we all looked like models we would live in a very bland world.

You are beautiful and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

up.

Up...was a fabulous movie if I do say so myself. I suggest it, even if you are beyond animated films. It points out well that now is the adventure, even if it wasn't the adventure you planned.

I think we all need adventure books and people we love to share the adventure with...

struggle.

I'm struggling. I really am. I love the free time of summer. It has been so great to have time to catch up with people I haven't had time to catch up with a bit and it has been fun chill with the usuals (aka molly and fam. I love them).

But beyond that which only takes up so much time during the week, it is hard. I look forward to going back to work just to stay busy, but I know when it comes I won't be ready. So my goal is to really soak it in.

I don't do well at that. I like to be busy and feel, hmm, I can't explain the feeling...it sets in at night when I'm trying to go to sleep and can't because I didn't do enough that day to be tired...which usually forces to benadryl induced sleep....so I feel....like I didn't do enough, accomplish enough...

*deep breath*.....I don't know what to do either. I have hobbies and things that keep me busy when my work schedule is in full swing. You can only spend so much time doing yoga, or cleaning, or being on facebook. Usually when I have extra time and my body is feeling "normal" I would just workout and run more. And I can't. I have already done too much and pushed myself to hard. And days I do that I pay for it.

I'm paying for it today. I've done too much the last few days and the burning in my shoulders is beyond a 10 on a scale (I like to keep track and enjoy when I'm having a 2 day or a 5 day), even typing is too much. I'll be ok. But the plan needs to be me resting and enjoying the summer.

Monday my plan is to go book shopping. That will help. Suggestions?

Oh and the sun...and pool...that will help....come on SUNSHINE!!!!

longest.

I do think this has been the longest week of my life. It just keeps going and going and going....

I want the weather to warm up a bit. And I must not spend so much time cleaning things out, although that has been nice.

I've come to the realization that extra time only really matters when other people have extra time. Cause if you are the only one with extra time, too much is spent alone or in your closet weeding through old crap for hours.

Tomorrow I will go out a bit. Coffee with a friend. A massage in the afternoon. And Friday night date night.

Break just has to be one day at a time or I start to panic. Tomorrow will be good.

Oh and I got a new bathing suit, so it needs to warm up so I can waste all my extra time tanning and laying by the pool!

break?

Summer break has not started the best. When the weather is 55 degrees it is hard to get into that summer routine or "feeling". So far I have done more cleaning then I planned for the first week and I'm only 2 days into the week.

I started going through all of my clothes yesterday. I have so much I don't want anymore and I'm so sick of looking at. Sadly for me that doesn't mean cutting back on the wardrobe it means remaking my wardrobe. Which I will justify because I haven't done that in probably 3 years and I found stuff from high school, so it is totally justified. Not to mention the stuff I'm sick of will go to goodwill and become a part of someone elses wardrobe update. That's ok with me and really it sounds like I could be helping a woman in the same state of living as me, just needing to change things up.

On top of going through my clothes I decided to embark on the rest of my closet. I realized I'm kind of a pack rat, but not on purpose. I just get busy and instead of making decisions on what to do with "stuff" in the moment, I just keep it in piles, which become overwhelming. And then comes the dreaded day I have to go through it all. I found a lot of cards and random items I wanted to keep for the "memories". I love the encouraging words, I love the memories. But I decided as I through so much of it out today that if it really meant something to me, it sticks in my memory, I don't need the "stuff".

Included in my closet is my bookshelf. I have quite the book collection. But included in that is a ton of "ministry stuff", which I'm not using and haven't used in sometime. I don't know what to do with it all. It's good stuff I think, books and notes and game ideas, but I haven't touched it in almost 3 years, if not longer. I don't think I can throw it away. I don't think I can give it away. And I know I won't be apart of youth ministry at this point in my life. In fact I don't know if I will use it again. It churns my stomach to think of going back to it, I've seen too much hypocrisy.

Needless to say, I'm taking care of what I feel is baggage. I still have all of my childhood belongings to go through. But I don't want the possessions. Is that horrible? I just don't want to cart it around for the rest of my life. Some stuff I will need to keep to pass on or show my kids, but the rest...

This isn't what I expected of break. I think it will get better as I get into the groove and it warms up. I also need to remember this time is to let my body relax and get better. That's hard for me. But maybe I'll get there.