not good enough.

There are three questions I hate answering, yet they are inevitable. The one that drives me off the wall the most is "what are you doing with your life?". I guess for some it isn't that hard to answer. In fact it isn't hard for me to answer. I want nothing more than to do God's will for my life. Have I tried to do my own thing or make things happen? Of course. But God has His way of bringing me back to teaching me contentment and peace in His plan. I have to remind myself often that God has a bigger plan for me than I have for me.



I am happy with where I am at in life. I have a job that I love and look forward to going to. And for the first time, maybe ever, I leave work in a good mood everyday. Am I tried? Yes. Do I enjoy the weekends? Yes. But that doesn't make my job any less enjoyable. I feel I'm at where God needs me to be right now and someplace where He is going to use me. And something I really hate is the questions from those, who possibly can't hear themselves speak or ask questions like "is that all you are going to do?" or "don't you want to pursue more of a career in that field?". Seriously?!? Am I not doing enough? Are you really questioning where God has me right now?



For example, I have a friend working her butt off through nursing school right now. And you know what she gets asked, "why would you just be a nurse, don't you want to be a doctor?". I hear things like this all to often and hurts my heart. Am I really not good enough? Who's standards do you want me to meet? If I'm happy and doing something I have a passion for, can't you be happy and support me?



I'm probably not the most secure person when it comes to my decisions. I'm a people pleaser and care what people think. It has taken a lot of time and praying and wrestling with God to reach a place of contentment, especially when I have to make a decision. I understand now that as long as I am ok with where God has me, it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks. And yes I get restless sometimes when things are to full of routine, but that is when I know I need to be praying and seeking out God hard, so that I don't stray from His plan.



I just feel like the world will never think what I or you are doing is good enough. And I hate that. Not because I want to please them, but because of the hurt or confusion it causes. Don't listen to the harsh words of the world. You are good enough. God does have a perfect plan for your life, to prosper you and give you hope. He has your life mapped out, every breath, every tear, every bit of laughter. He has it written. Don't get lost in what the world says. Seek God out. Don't stray. He will get you to where you need to be, even if you stumble along the way.

I'm not good enough for the world. But it is only my tent.