can't believe.

I can't believe this year is over. It is so much to digest. It was a good year. One I think that will always be dear to me. I experienced a lot and went through so much. But holy cow it was all worth it.

I love the time I had at the beginning of this year without a job. It was hard to not be working, but I had so much time to figure "me" out. I think I had a breakdown every few days. I don't think I have cried that much in a really long time. I felt so vulnerable and broken. Like I was standing naked in front of a crowd. I had no idea how I was going to pay the bills or make it to my next little bit of work. But it cause me to trust and really let that free spirited side of me "fly" and not know what was going to happen. That was a reason for joy or to get me to the next day.

The summer was full of unexpectedness. It was just different and nothing I could have planned. I had a lot of play time in the midst of a small job to get me through. I can't even really put it to words. So much was going on it was so much to process, but none of it caused tears or chaos, like the months before. In fact I don't think I cried all summer. I couldn't I was numb, in the most feeling of ways, and tears weren't the way to process. I just went with it, knowing what I was getting myself into. By the end of summer I was walking in to a job I had wanted for a bit, but the timing was just now right.

I can't believe it is now the last day of the year. The fall and early winter flew. I feel into a routine fast and life was full of adventures. I don't understand beyond the grace of God how so much hate could grow into something mostly opposite.

I can't wait for the year to come. This year was a turning point. 2009 will be an adventure that I can't begin to plan. I don't totally know what life holds, but would it be any fun if I did? I can't wait. I'm ready to take it on.
Happy New Year!