december.

I wrote this last December. It is fun to see change, the difference in life and who I am or have grown to be this year. So I thought I would share it....

"A long December and there's reason to believe, maybe this year will be better than the last"..You know the Counting Crows song...I love that song. I remember listening to it when I was really young, carefree and riding in the car, singing along like I don't have care in the world. I feel like this song could be the theme to my life this December. It has been a long year.

I left the land of familiar this year. For so long I have tried to live what I thought was my passion. And it was for sure, for a time, but times change and so did my cravings.
I was stuck, but had to move on. I didn't understand it for a long time. I tried to turn and go back. But every door has shut. I have no choice but to keep moving forward. It is an awkward and uncomfortable journey. One I can't say I'm enjoying, but I don't hate it either.

I do feel lost. I have been challenged, inspired really, to pursue my dreams. Sadly I can't even think of what those things may be. I know what I want. And maybe those things are or always have been my dreams and I have never looked at them like that. I just thought they were to ordinary to be a "dream".

I'm a broken woman right now. I feel so vulnerable. I don't want to be an open book with anyone. And this may just be a time that I need to be.

I do know this, God is shaping me. Molding me to be who He needs me to be. He is holding me in the palm of His hand. And He has my life under control. He has a bigger dream for me than I could ever dream up. I just don't know what that looks like right now. But I'm ready. Moving forward. Out of familiar. Looking for change. Full of hope.

Maybe this coming year (08) will be better than the last (07).