break?

Summer break has not started the best. When the weather is 55 degrees it is hard to get into that summer routine or "feeling". So far I have done more cleaning then I planned for the first week and I'm only 2 days into the week.

I started going through all of my clothes yesterday. I have so much I don't want anymore and I'm so sick of looking at. Sadly for me that doesn't mean cutting back on the wardrobe it means remaking my wardrobe. Which I will justify because I haven't done that in probably 3 years and I found stuff from high school, so it is totally justified. Not to mention the stuff I'm sick of will go to goodwill and become a part of someone elses wardrobe update. That's ok with me and really it sounds like I could be helping a woman in the same state of living as me, just needing to change things up.

On top of going through my clothes I decided to embark on the rest of my closet. I realized I'm kind of a pack rat, but not on purpose. I just get busy and instead of making decisions on what to do with "stuff" in the moment, I just keep it in piles, which become overwhelming. And then comes the dreaded day I have to go through it all. I found a lot of cards and random items I wanted to keep for the "memories". I love the encouraging words, I love the memories. But I decided as I through so much of it out today that if it really meant something to me, it sticks in my memory, I don't need the "stuff".

Included in my closet is my bookshelf. I have quite the book collection. But included in that is a ton of "ministry stuff", which I'm not using and haven't used in sometime. I don't know what to do with it all. It's good stuff I think, books and notes and game ideas, but I haven't touched it in almost 3 years, if not longer. I don't think I can throw it away. I don't think I can give it away. And I know I won't be apart of youth ministry at this point in my life. In fact I don't know if I will use it again. It churns my stomach to think of going back to it, I've seen too much hypocrisy.

Needless to say, I'm taking care of what I feel is baggage. I still have all of my childhood belongings to go through. But I don't want the possessions. Is that horrible? I just don't want to cart it around for the rest of my life. Some stuff I will need to keep to pass on or show my kids, but the rest...

This isn't what I expected of break. I think it will get better as I get into the groove and it warms up. I also need to remember this time is to let my body relax and get better. That's hard for me. But maybe I'll get there.